Everything I Want To Say To The Person Who Did not Treat Me Right

By Abdulkadir Rafiat

  Dear you,        

     It's been a while since the last time they spoke. She would be lying if she said she didn't still think about him from time to time. To be completely honest, there's a part of her that will probably never fully forget him. She remembered when she used to think he could be her everything, and all the times he broke my heart ,when he treated her like she was nothing.

   She remembered how badly it hurt when she finally came to the realization that she couldn't change him, that no amount of second chances or turning a blind eye would ever make him love her.  She remembered how badly the silence he left her in stung when he would drop off the face of the earth for weeks at a time. And the overwhelming wave of excitement that came over her when she would look down at her phone and see his name when he had decided to finally resurface.

   She remembered how he had her so convinced it was her fault he didn't want her the way she wanted him, that there had to be something inside of her that needed changing so he  would finally stay. She remembered staring at herself in the mirror, picking herself apart trying to figure out why she wasn't good enough. She remembered clinging to every compliment he ever gave her in order to make it through every time he made her cry.

   She remembered all the empty promises and unanswered texts. She remembered the way he used to ignore her to look cool in front of his friends. She remembered comparing herself to all the other girls he paid attention to, and ignoring the guys paying attention to her  because she foolishly couldn't imagine having any interest in anyone else.

   She  remembered her friends trying to get through to her and saying he was a jerk.  She remembered all the drafts of text messages she wrote to him telling him exactly how she felt, and all the times she was too afraid of losing him to actually hit send.

   She remembered convincing herself every time he let her down that it was OK because it was better to have him somewhat in her life, rather than not having him in it at all. And She remembered the day she finally decided she needed to set herself free of him so vividly because it was one of the hardest things she have ever had to do.

    She remembered the day she deleted all the nice things he ever texted her in a desperate attempt to remove him from her life. She remembered how hard she had to try for months not to reach for her phone to call him when she couldn't sleep at night. And how painful it was to stomach the fact that he didn't seem to miss her at all. And she remembered the feeling of his hold over her loosening its grip, little by little, day by day.

   She remembered the first time she saw him in public, and it didn't send her heart into the pit of her stomach. She remembered the first time she heard his name come up in conversation, and she didn't have to stop to catch her breath. She remembered how angry she was at herself for ever letting someone make her doubt her worth, for allowing someone to treat her as a secondary player in his life when he was a primary player in hers.

   She  remembered an overwhelming urge to yell and scream at him, telling him everything she never had the courage to say. And she remembered how freeing it was when she  realized he was no longer worth her tears.

    There are one million mean, horrible things she  could say to him, but it would be a waste of both of their time. She have made peace with the fact that he will never fully realize how poorly he treated her. She has come to terms with the fact that, in his eyes, she wasn't worth changing for. She has rejected the notion he once instilled in her that she wasn't good enough. And she wants to thank you for making her a stronger person than she was before she met him. 

    Because of him,  she now knows what she deserves. She now knows that she is  worthy of being treated with respect, and that she is not someone he only want to see after midnight.

     She knows she's  not perfect, but She knows for a fact she is far better off than him.  Because one day, all of the mind games are going to catch up with him. One day, he will meet a girl who is going to tell himoff. One day, he might just wake up to find he let a perfectly good girl walk out of his life.

     And when he finally comes to his senses, she won't be sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. Not anymore.

Sincerely,

Better Off Without You,

Anonymous.